A life overpowered by darkness

Everyday, you don’t cross my mind.. you live in it.
It has been an year already and i can’t stop thinking about you.
Every freaking time i decide to move on from all those memories but every freaking time i fail, miserably.
They say find a better one, but trust me when i went on a searching spree to find ‘that better one’, all of them made me realise why i feel so truly attached to you?
They made me realise why i shouldn’t move on from you.
Why i fell for you? And why i won’t be able to forget you ?

They always makes me realise that it can never work out with anyone else.
Instead of admiring any of them, i end up admiring all those qualities you have. Your habits, attitudes, everything..
They made me realise what is gold and that i was a fool who spared a thought about moving on, i cannot move on.
Things are choking me down.. everyday feels like as bad as delhi’s pollution.
Every freaking love song i listen reminds me of you and only you.
I, personally haven’t been under the overthinking thing lately.

I dont know what you feel for me or do i ever cross your mind even once a month for a second or two.
But you are living in my mind for such a long time and all i can do is accept whatsoever you are doing to me.
Yes i know i have become least progressive and productive, you are to be blamed. How could you do this to me? How could you leave me without any explanation?
You have bewitched me, body and soul..
Sometimes i think why do i put such a considerable amount of energy just to think about you but then somewhere even i know you are worth all this.
I can’t say all this to you.. i m not shy, but this just don’t seem to be appropriate… maybe we are not suppose to be a part of each others life.. maybe i m ruining god’s plan… but how the hell in the heaven’s sake i can do that? I, my friend is not that powerful.
I dream of you endlessly.. of you admiring me, loving me, taking care of me, and what not.. every night the only face i see when i close my eyes is of yours..
I want to go so much far far away that i may end up moving on from you.
I m tired.
I want to be free of this suffering.
Could you not grant me the freedom i have been craving for since 12 months.. ?
Why everything i think of revolves around you or is related to you?
When did you became so important for me?
This is not love, nor infatuation.. this is the power of attachment..
Yes, i m jealous of all those girls you encounter everyday.. i want to be one of them.
Every single picture you have with them works as a dagger in my heart so hard that it ends up breaking it into so many uncountable pieces.
I m unable to keep this from you, from anyone..
This is suffocating me as if an albatross across my neck.
I want to express so many things but trust me i m unable to.. what the hell is happening ? This cannot be interpreted.
I know after few years this won’t even matter to me, there is so much more to life, so much to be explored but amidst of all when all these thoughts capture you how do you repress them?
People will definitely advice you of good but at the end of the day it is you who have to deal with it.
Everybody is not so much good with ‘self regulation and monitoring’ of mind.. i m a human not a robot or machine..
I just can’t repress all those thoughts, thereby helping them work as a pollutant for my mind.
My insides gets eaten up even if i think of you getting attached with someone else..
Its affecting me alot and for the first time in my life i am unable to solve this problem.. alternate solution? My friend, there is no solution.. i have landed up myself in the well of suffering.
Where i will choke and suffocate from all those memories i have of him.. endlessly i will cherish them.. and wish to get back with you…



19 thoughts on “A life overpowered by darkness

  1. So clinging on with ur claws… trait of big cat. And there’s a thing about them, they’ll b the winners in the end.

    Utterly emoting piece… wonderful flow. I reckon u know wat u can do and u’ll figure it out how can do 😀
    Stay blessed

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ritika I understand ur dilemma.. Moving on is difficult when u have spent some good time together. Now that u appreciate all the good traits in him u will start to respect the differences in each other too.. I wish u do not decide anything in anger and hurry.. Give it a lil more time..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. ‘differences’ – something that i am unable to point out to.. nothing to worry about though, i just penned down everything i felt at that time… i know all this is a part of life. Everybody has to go through it… its just how people take it.. whether you move on or stick to it.. sometimes you don’t realise that for all such things you are not strong enough… you stay over confident for the fact that you need no one until one day you realise how much that person is important

      Liked by 1 person

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